he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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