I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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