Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
