he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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