Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
