You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I smell stomach acid.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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