After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
