I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
