how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Can I color on your dick again?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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