Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Sober January is a disaster.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
