How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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