dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
