New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
