She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
