No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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