Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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