maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize