I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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