your thong is hanging out like whoa
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
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