We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
