Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
