so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
