im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
