if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
