I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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