Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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