After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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