He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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