Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
