My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize