Kareoke will never be a sober sport
one might say we're banned from that church
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
