i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you didnt know i had herpes?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize