Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Randomize
