I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
