Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
