So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
