I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
This toilet bowl is my home.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize