conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
