The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
