woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
