i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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