Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
