Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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