I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
