this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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