you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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