By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
