Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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