elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
