is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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