ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I can text with my tongue
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
