Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
