forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My penis needs a shock collar
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
