That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
