i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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