Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize