So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize