Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
