But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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