Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
God, you're like boner-b-gone
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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