We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
