and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
