I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
