YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
