Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I forgot how hot balto sounded
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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