And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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