dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
50% drunk capacity currently
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
