Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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