i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
