Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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