wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
