i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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