love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
